


homesick

by colderthancold



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Based on a song, F/F, angsty but ends fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 03:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colderthancold/pseuds/colderthancold
Summary: After all, they had been dating since their high-school days, when they were just two naïve and idiotic kids with a dream that was just too big for them to fulfill (which maybe was the reason they dreamt it). And it ended up being a disappointment just as big as it.





	homesick

After all, they had been dating since their high-school days, when they were just two naïve and idiotic kids with a dream that was just too big for them to fulfill (which maybe was the reason they dreamt it). And it ended up being a disappointment just as big as it.

It started falling apart when they started working and realized things weren’t as simple as they seemed. Kousaka Honoka wouldn’t have ever imagined how much anger she’d build inside of her, how useless she’d feel and how much she’d want her life to be exchanged with someone else’s, whoever. She just wanted a break.

She didn’t feel like herself. Her family was pressuring her more than ever and her friends had lives (not like her) that needed their attention. Of course they’d drop by every now and then and joke around like the old times but Honoka felt like it wasn’t the same. She felt as if only Kotori was by her side now— and not even that.

Kotori was traveling a lot and their conversations had turned colder. She was going international, as Nico liked to say. Honoka needed her by her side, she felt clingy and needy and dumb and god, she just wanted her girlfriend to be back once and for all. She wanted to talk things through, since the last time at the airport had been a major disaster. A ‘Honoka, just shut up’ kind of disaster. Honoka, just like that. No honorifics, no feelings that could be labeled as positive. Just Honoka and a command— a command Kotori had never gave her before.

Honoka didn’t even remember what she said. She was just a mess, that day. A fucking mess. And she just wanted Kotori back.

“So you came here.” Umi said, putting her cup of tea down.

“Yeah. It’s just… Umi-chan!” Honoka threw herself over Umi like the good old sweet times and cried her heart out. Umi hugged her back and whispered some advice Honoka wished she had heard, but her sobs were too loud to hear over. She liked Umi’s embrace; deep blue like the sea. She liked that even though Umi liked to act cold she wasn’t when it came to her friends. She liked to pretend like she didn’t, but she liked people.

Walking home things were weird. Honoka walked through all the places they’d go when they were kids and smile, melancholy drowning her heart. She liked those times, those times when things were easy. All her life she had seen people shit on others because they like easy things, but Honoka was proud to accept she liked them. What was so wrong with them, after all? It wasn’t like she didn’t want to work— she didn’t want avoidable complications to take her life over. Was that so bad?

She lied on her bed and closed her eyes. She felt no motivation to do anything. She started thinking about Kotori and her heart started aching harder, because by this point in ached all the time. She hated that things with Kotori were starting to get complicated. She just loved it when they called each other sweet nicknames and kissed each other’s lips like it was meant to be. Now Kotori was one thousand miles away from her. No hyperbole intended. It felt like they were in different galaxies, and everything around Honoka reminded her of her long-time friend and girlfriend. She thought that that was the worse; being reminded that Kotori was kind of mad at her or just upset or wanted to never see her face again because of anything she saw.

But she wanted that to change. She wanted Kotori’s eyes to shine like they once did. She wanted Kotori to be happy— and if they had to fall apart because of it, and if Honoka had to disappear from the world and never see the person she loved the most again, she would do it. She just wanted her to be happy again. She didn’t want her to be sad anymore.

“You’ve grown up.” Nozomi’s words were as warm as ever but Honoka almost choked on her tea when hearing her.

“What?” She asked. Next to her, Umi nodded.

“She’s right. You’ve become more mature this past year.” She took a sip from her tea and Honoka felt a drop of hers going down her chin.

“I hate to agree but they’re right. You’re like, different yet not that much from the dumb idiot I met in high school.” Nico added from the couch. Honoka wanted to be mad but the words her friends were saying had shocked her too much.

Nozomi sat down in front of her. Her apartment had become different, as well, from the lonely cave it had been before. Everything was bigger now, since everything had to be for more people. Eight, to be exact.

“Honoka, we know you don’t really get it right now.” She said, giving her that so very wise look only Nozomi could give. “But you’ve really grown. Your heart is still the same, but you now know how to use all that wisdom you’ve stored. Before you could only stop the rain. Now you could even stop the end of the world if you wanted.”

Honoka didn’t know what to say. She wouldn’t lie, she was confused (and she knew everyone there knew she was, too). She didn’t like it when Nozomi got all smart with her. She started saying all those things and Honoka felt as if she couldn’t keep up with her thoughts. She hated being dumb. She hated not understanding.

“How?” Was all she could ask.

“Are you kidding? Hear yourself. When you came here I couldn’t believe my ears, Honoka. When you talked you sounded like Nozomi, really. Saying things that are like something a cool grandma would tell you. Like the real deal when it comes to smart. Did you even hear what you just said? You’re a woman now, Honoka. Not a child anymore.” Nico’s voice ringed through her ears but she couldn’t believe her words.

“Nico is right. You’re like you’ve always been, but there is something about the way you speak that is different. It’s like you tamed something inside you. You didn’t let it go, yet you made it yours.” Umi smiled at her. The smile she had on her face was the same from when she was a kid and felt proud of Honoka. “Go talk to Kotori, Honoka. I know she’s waiting for you.”

“She… she is.” She stood up and almost dropped the chair. “Oops. Sorry about that. Thanks for everything, girls. I’ll-I’ll try to be back for dinner.”

She didn’t make it for dinner.

* * *

 

“Kotori-chan? Where are you, Kotori-chan?” Honoka asked. After her conversation with Umi, Nozomi and Nico, she had gone straight to the airport. She wanted to see Kotori and talk face to face, not just hear her by the phone. So she used her savings to buy a plane ticket to do so. She didn’t care. She didn’t even know what she was saving for, in the end.

Now she was lost in the middle of a cosmopolitan-like city. A city very much like Kotori— now Honoka knew why she liked it there. As she walked down the street and saw how life was there she realized Kotori fitted there like a missing yet relevant puzzle piece. Honoka’s heart ached a bit. She believed a piece of Kotori’s heart was back at Tokyo still, but now she started doubting that. Maybe this city at the other side of the world was what Kotori had longed for since she realized her life could go beyond the island they lived in.

“Honoka-chan, I should be the one asking that.”

Honoka was sitting on a bench looking at the birds that walked around. She wanted to feed them but didn’t have anything to do so with. She also didn’t understand what Kotori was saying and started to sweat. She wasn’t sure why, but she was starting to feel anxious. She took her jacket off.

“What do you mean?”

Honoka heard Kotori giggle on the other side of the phone. Hearing that sound long forgotten and long longed for, her heart started racing. She felt as if she had a jet engine running it. And she felt happy.

“I’m back home, Honoka-chan.”

And Honoka stood up on the bench, looking at the setting sun. She smiled and jumped from it to start running the fastest she had ever run in her life. She didn’t even take her jacket. She had a plane to take, after all. There was someone waiting for her back where her, their hearts truly where. Because that city was like Kotori, yes, but it wasn’t her home. And it would never be. Because she was one of Tokyo’s most important puzzle pieces, and Honoka’s heart most important one.

“Welcome back, Kotori-chan.”

 And the blood that raced through her veins was love, love, love.

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys, i hope you like this as much as i did. thanks for reading, remember to smile and peace out! o7


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